Sexual Wellness
Acknowledging the hidden parts of a balanced, holistic and empowered lifestyle
Why is it that sexual health and wellness aren’t acknowledged on the same level as mental, physical, spiritual or emotional health?
We’re in an age where dating apps now ask their subscribers if they’ve had a vaccine, as opposed to checking, for example, whether they’ve had a negative sexual health screening in the last three months or not. And to me that’s quite a bizarre realisation and I guess one of the reasons that prompted me to write this little piece.
I feel, as I’m sure many people do, that sexual wellness and intimacy lay at the heart of a healthy and balanced lifestyle, and I get excited to see the collective awareness and exploration of this growing more and more as time goes on. Because understanding our true desires and having a safe space to embody and practice this is essential to our overall wellbeing, and can also raise our vibration ten-fold.
And the reason I mention vibration, and Einstein said it perfectly, is because ‘everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.’ And at this point in history, it really is vital to heighten our personal frequency (sound therapy, hint hint 😏).
With this in mind, shining light on this part of ourselves isn’t only a question of safety, satisfaction and transparency, but I also feel it’s about being authentic and honest when we enter into energetic exchanges with others. And it doesn’t matter whether we’re looking for something instantaneous, short term, casual or serious, we all have our own style of dating, but it’s more a matter of being aware of our intention when we connect with someone new.
So, where does the responsibility lie when it comes to our sexual self? Well, in short it’s our individual responsibility to learn what we like and to listen to our intuition when we find ourselves in relationships and situations that may not be healthy for us. When we find ourselves in a space where we’re unable to express our true sexual nature or needs fully, it can lead to repressing emotions that find another route to seep out of our skin and manifest in different ways. And usually that doesn’t do us, or anyone around us, much good. As Carl Jung wrote ‘the source of all evil is not our shadows but in the repression of our shadows’, and it’s important to keep an open heart when we look deeper at ourselves.
Connecting with and integrating our shadow self is essential if we are to truly understand what fuels our desires, relationships and need for pleasure, and what’s been imprinted into our subconscious. As there’s still so much inequality in sexual expression, creative freedom, ignorance about self pleasure and people pushing down what was intended to help set us free, it’s vital that we break the stigma and talk more openly about it together. Without a healthy sexual relationship to self, we can’t have a conscious relationship or partnership with someone else. We need to be able to understand what we like, what we don’t like, and how to communicate this mindfully and respectfully, just like in any other area of our lives, and not to settle when our fundamental needs don’t get met. And of course, compromise and patience are key to helping us move through these new territories, if we are open to exploring.
As we know, denying and repressing our desires aren’t positive ways to live, but instead we can choose to reclaim power over our inner world by connecting with our feelings and cravings (sacral chakra work). We can try to embody the very essence of our divine self, and in my case as a woman, the limitless depth of the divine feminine. Delving deeper into womanhood and this feminine energy has been an incredible eye opener and something that my soul calls for more of. Tapping into unseen, sensual, erotic, unspoken and fierce energies that lay dormant inside of us is a powerful act and one that I’ve found we as women explore with increased self-love, age, through deep conscious intimacy, by ignoring judgement, and also after processing significant emotional pain. And this is why I love being a part of women’s circles too, because when we share together it’s pure fire, vulnerability, openness and laughter.
‘The spiritualisation of sensuality is called love.’ Friedrich Nietzsche (Photo credit: James Phillips)
Today, I embrace my sexuality on all levels and this energy flows and expands creatively, curiously, playfully, softly and fiercely into other areas of my life as well. I am also fortunate enough to have had a strong, empowered female role model in my mother when I was growing up and have always been encouraged to go where my sensuality and creativity have teased me. Over recent years though, I hit a bump in the road and forgot myself for a little while, but I’m so happy to have reclaimed this part of myself again, because it’s bringing new opportunities for me to grow every day now.
Having also dabbled a bit with life modelling, I’ve learnt to feel comfortable in the space where nudity is no longer sexual and the female form can be appreciated through a completely new gaze. But that’s just me, and we all have our different ways in which we need to be seen and acknowledged in this world - behind closed doors or in public. And there is magnificent power in knowing ourselves like this. If only we were taught how to understand this realm in our younger years, I feel we’d be living in so much more fun and fulfillment today.
A while back, I came across a piece by Christina Rombi (Zodiac Poetry Astrology) about embracing pleasure as a revolution and it was a real discovery for me. I feel there are many of us on this journey (given recent events), who are turning within to connect deeper, listening to our soul calling and mission. It reminded me of the work I used to do in a Tantra class I joined for six months and something that has always stayed with me - tantra isn’t about sex, it is about living in joy and finding deep pleasure and satisfaction in each moment.
Overall, conscious intimacy, orgasm and sex are healers. They’re great for our self esteem, they decrease depression, improve our immune system, can lower blood pressure, burn calories and help us sleep better.
And as Dr Ed Santana summarises from the 20 Essential Perspectives from Carl Jung on Sex and Psycotherapy ‘one encounters sexuality everywhere; thus in anything one is involved, their sexuality will appear too’, so why not embrace, love and honour this part of ourselves?
And on that note, I’d like to leave a few questions here for consideration, if you’ve read this far:
How are you connecting with your sexuality right now?
What self-love breakthroughs have helped you connect with the authentic, sensual you?
How are you being mindful of what you allow into your intimate space?
Are you looking after yourself, and the people you are intimate with?
It’s time to let the love frequency rise in all its forms.
Other resources and reading
Sexual Health London - home testing
20 Essential perspectives from Carl Jung on Sex and Psychotherapy - Dr Ed Santana
Why eroticism should be part of your self-care plan - Esther Perel
Central photo credit: Aziz A212 Photography
