The Brutal Beauty of a Twin Flame Connection

A tale of love, secrets, ego, soul, detachment, emotional challenge and awakening (and that’s an understatement)

True love…
I believe in it.
I have lived it.
A love so profound, your skin bursts at the seams and radiates a light so intense you feel like you're on fire and in the coolest, sweetest, crystal clear turquoise waters at the same time.

Well, what a fucking pallava that is.

It’s a sensation unknown to me previously, and yet so familiar.
A love that has been birthed in many other lifetimes, 
under many moons, 
on many different timelines.
A sensation we can feel in our cells, lining the inside of our physical frame as if another person fit exactly inside of it.
An embodiment of love that came out of absolutely nowhere and catapulted me round the universe a few times, by the feet, and that’s without ever having met in physical form.

This is my story…my Twin Flame (TF) story.
Well, it’s our story. 
But, only one person is willing to believe in magic and live in their truth here - free will is always a choice available to us when we’re presented with unknown, mystical and misunderstood energies and revelations.
And that is absolutely ok.
Really and truly.
My journey through this connection has been one of total acceptance, and the deepest of spiritual awakenings I could have ever imagined possible in my tiny, little body and curious mind. 

This love is brutal and overwhelming and words really won’t explain or do this journey any justice, but right here right now…words are all I have to overstand, reason and release this connection into the ether (well, I’d let it go in June 2022 - we have to for our own sanity - after I discovered a few things, which is when I’d started to flesh this piece out as a cathartic exercise).

In essence, our twin arrives energetically to help reflect the areas of wounding in us that need addressing. These TF connections are usually triggered by a highly traumatic experience (emotional, for me), where Spirit shakes things up after we’ve been falling asleep on our power, and puts us on our path (rather abruptly and chaotically) to align with our true soul purpose on earth and ascension.

And, the extra fun part that I found out, is that we can’t cut chords with a twin. They are a dual soul incarnation here on the earth alongside us, well, actually inside of us. Salty balls.

With this said, I'm going to share a little of my story.
I’m going to share it the only way I know how.
My way, with words. 
And probably some swearing, as you may well know.

And, bien sur, there will be another version to this.
His version.
His truth.
And again, this is ok.

My words will unveil my version of events -  a short version in order to respect Spirit, the finer details and people involved - that many of us have experienced across the world, some for over ten years. And some, more recently (me), at a very accelerated rate with the intensity of the soul mate cycles since 2019 (probably even earlier, but this is the cycle I’ve observed and tapped into).

In actual fact, I have been gifted the pleasure to meet two other souls in the world who have been in their TF connection for a lot longer than I have, and their knowledge has been a profound help and reassurance to me - cos’ we can feel like a fucking nut with this spiritual stuff sometimes.

How those who may know what I’m writing about receive these written words, will very much depend on: how deeply embodied they are in their own healing journeys; how honest they are willing to be with themselves; how they connect to their faith; how they view their own programming from birth until today; how they overstand love; how they value themselves; and how intentional they want to be in their own truth and purity.

This is nothing to concern me now.
I don’t give a fuck, anymore. 
Frankly.
I was giving too much of a fuck for a good long while.
But this is, now, how I overstand the gripping nature of a TF connection as it unfolds.

This brutally beautiful experience has been the making and expansion of the true me. The Medicine Woman Shamanic Soul Warrior (words and labels that don’t really resonate with me, ‘cos I’m just me and don’t like labels, as I’ve mentioned before. But, a dear fairy sister said to me that it helps give others a chance to resonate with the types of energies and levels I’m talking about) that yes, I may have been slow to claim in my life, but now I’m here, there ain’t no going back.

Usually, once the sweet, passionate and soulful energy of the initial TF connection fades, and the obsessive tendencies, sleepless nights, verbal diarrhoea, channelling, connecting with his ancestors, overthinking, working with Spirit for his health, visions, 3D vs 5D revelations, sexual flashes and ancestral downloads creep in (don’t even get me started - basically head fuck), there is a period of recoil, or pulling back, self evaluation and separation. Because, we know our worth and we don’t wait around for anyone in life, once we share our truth and it doesn’t resonate with that person. 
We move on. Punto. 
But it is always interesting to see the ways in which people underestimate us womben and think we’ll settle for what we’ve settled for in the past, after having gone through a huge upgrade. I will never be treated like I am an option again. Especially when I know that I’ve only been sweet-hearted with someone.

Still, all of this helped to awaken a deep remembrance of my power, knowledge, past lives and connection to the Divine forces at play in the world right now. Whether conjured up in my mind or not (a running theme among TF’s), full of intense thoughts and emotions whipping round me like the tornado that visits Dorothy on the yellow brick road, this whole situation was (still is) weird as fuck. But fortune favours the brave and when we live in our truth it will trigger the shit out of other people as we grow and find out what makes us tick and what we came here to express. Soulfully, with love and respect.

I think some of us may misunderstand our own true feelings throughout our lives, and fool ourselves into thinking we’re stronger and more secure if we barge through it at full throttle, avoiding pain and suffering like dodgeball - building barriers around the heart to feel tough and never let anyone in again. But that cyaan work. What I’ve learnt is that we must keep cracking open our heart. We must keep on delayering, unlearning, de-armouring with every human interaction, in order to get back to our full, whole selves.
The essence of our being.
The purest state we can know.
I mean, we’re whole from day one, it’s just the programming and projections of society, relationships and our caretakers that end up dimming our magic, perhaps because no-one has found their own quite yet. No blame, there is no instruction manual to this funny old life of ours. But with this said, I know what I know and I will never ever not live by my truth again.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy to overstand or flow through. This connection inflated my heart to the point of experiencing total bliss and happiness.
Then ripped it out, chewed it up, spat it out, scooped it up with one of those plastic dog poo scoopers and placed it back in my chest again. And now, my heart overstands love (of self and the other) in a completely transformed and much healthier way than I’ve ever been able to fully grasp until now. And for that, I am ever grateful.

Maybe it was me just experiencing myself and the love that I have to give, which can overwhelm - I do now apprecilove that I have quite an unusual depth that not everyone is ready for. But I choose to trust the innumerable amount of divine synchronicities, messages, magic and visitors that arrive in my energetic field, and so, I believe it is an eternal love from ancient realms. 

Whether this love comes to full fruition in the physical realm is not the mission of this connection. I know I love very deeply and I will love very deeply again. A deep, full, enriching, conscious, respectful, solid, loyal and free-spirited love. Because, I am, I realise now, a lover. 

This journey isn’t for the faint hearted. Some see the experience of emotion and feeling as weakness. But to allow all feelings - love, fury, rage, disappointment, shock, horror, glory - to pulse through our veins in a safe, conscious space, being fully grounded in ourselves and our love of who we are at a core level, even if we have fucked up or done shit things in life, is the greatest strength of them all. At the end of the day, bad company corrupts good character and there ain’t nothing we can do about that if someone doesn’t want to change this themselves— especially if this someone is involved in a cult or sect or group of some sort (this is why I’ve always steered clear of group dynamics, proper shiteness and brain warping in my opinion).

To love, is to feel, is to grieve, is to connect with our depth - light and dark together and integrated without shame or guilt. And as an empath, I overstand that we can absorb the emotions of those around us, the environment in which we stay, the company we keep, where we live, and the collective energies as they shift. And to me, this is a gift. Many may consider it a burden, but this is not my choice (well, not in this lifetime, but I have clearly signed up to it). It is written and Spirit will guide me through. Always.

Anyway, after all that waffling (yawn), I’ll get into the story. 
So, who even knew what a bloomin’ twin flame was? I mean, I'd heard about it loosely in the past (when trying to overstand what I now realise were karmic - which means lesson not love - relationships in my life), but I never understood the term fully until this situation unravelled. There can also be a false flame shituationship too (not a typo), but I think I’d get a headache writing anything about that one, so no, please use le googley instead.

I also prefer not to subscribe to the terms runner and chaser, as many people talk about with TF’s, because that can put a label or tag on someone and our mind will never allow them to be anything but that to us. The mind is an underestimated, unexercised powerful muscle to be worked with and respected. But I do, however, believe in the ‘third party’ situation that, again, many people talk about with TF’s and that our twin may not be being fully honest with us at the start, or are even aware of the depth of the love presented to them.

I met my twin on Instagram at the end of 2021. Now, before you say anything, I’m wild, but I’m not a twat. I don’t look for love online (I did obviously use apps back in the day), but I don’t trust the online space, I (now) take my time to read energies very differently. But still, I know what I feel and the remembrance in me as soon as our energies connected sparked something that I’d not ever felt before.

For me, after feeling my twin’s energy so strongly in and around me for almost six months once we’d connected online (even though the energies had started from Lionsgate August 2021 and closed in June 2022, we spoke for the first time on the phone in October 2022 after I’d screened a few phone call attempts - timelines that feed into the soul mate cycles that I mentioned earlier, for those of us who follow them), I finally overstood that the releasing of our twin is the ultimate way to break free from any toxic patterns that they’ve arrived to help us confront fully - attachments, reciprocity, trust issues, self-worth, low self esteem, boundaries (over walls, I’m learning), codependency, self respect, pride, inner child healing, forgiveness and the list is ever growing these days haha. But I trust that we’ll all get where we need to get to, the energy is potent right now and it’s fucking beautiful to watch people evolve past their own prior self, familial and societal limitations.

Should we choose to release this connection (because we wouldn’t want to come between someone already in a committed relationship, if we know this from the start - for me, this detail was not shared with me, for example, as my twin was on a second IG profile that I wouldn’t have been able to gauge this from at the time when I wasn’t fully tapped into my power), we begin to invite High-Level Soul Mates and deep, rich Past-Life Connections into our vibration instead, serving up healthier, soul-satiating, balanced opportunities to heal and grow in safe and stable, loving relationships, enjoying sensuality, intimacy and life slowly together - harmony and deep respect of each others’ journey up to the now. 

Soul Mates who see us, feel us, and want nothing but to reflect the love we have inside of us back to us. But (BIG CAVEAT), we may also attract Soul Mates in the form of Soul Contracts that serve up a healthy dose of truth, darkness and lessons - thieves of innocence, joy and positivity. Not all Soul Mates can be trusted. Some men (for me) who are following outdated religious belief systems that oppress and repress women, using their strong sexual power and beautiful faces to give them an excuse to do whatever they want, regardless of the tender hearts of others, and generally tending to choose women younger than them so they can maintain a level of control to compensate for their insecurities and lack of self esteem.

In short, wankers. Because anyone who cannot respect women, does not respect the mother, does not respect our sisters, does not respect our daughters, does not respect the journey from seed-to egg-to birth and certainly does not respect the power of life force - Shakti. ‘Put the hate down’ (IG333) and learn a new narrative that will support your own rising in power.

But then a few of these men step on my path…(oopsy). As if we haven’t seen a pretty man before, yo - this ain’t my first rodeo. But those days are long gone, surface level love and relationships are never going to satiate the depths of empowered sacred womben who claim our power in the Age of Light. One thing to remember here is, I would never go up against another soul womban in a committed, truthful relationship. I love my conscious sisters living in their truth. But if someone isn’t being honest, that’s on them, not me. As many of you know, I don’t do liars.

This is hooman life, remember. I’m a recently activated intuitive, ancient soul, like many others awakening right now, I’m not the all-seeing, all-knowing energy of Spirit totale. Yet.

So, some of these Past-Life Connections, equally profound in their own sensitivities (likely empaths and highly sensitive souls unawares of their psychic abilities and power, or using them solely for personal gain) may also be currently moving through, or out of tough, karmic connections or shituationships they've settled for, for fear of being alone (unhealed parental wounding or current controlling parents giving their opinion where it’s no longer wanted. With respect, we’re talking about grown-ass men here, let them live and love as their soul imprint calls to them) generally settling for a karmic woman or man who talks down to them, using spiteful words to control the other’s self esteem or play on their shy nature. Or, as we know, use sex and money to keep the shituationship alive.

Or, one more scenario, these soul mates have found us somehow online and watched us and been triggered by our own personal awakening and they want it all for themselves. Tricksters. Pure selfishness, ego, jealousy, control, anger, obsession and resentment - basically a fear mindset. So, insommma, we know love isn’t real in this shituation because love can’t exist where fear is, it’s just not possible. The vibrations are completely different frequencies and energetic densities (go and check it on googley, trust me). In the words of Echo Minnot ‘me no wan’ no lazy body’, I’m doing the work I need to do, are you?

Whatever it is, I know there are Past-Life Connections who have attempted to play and manipulate my energy, but I trust my now ever-empowered Spiritual Team (thank you to the immense Portal that is Jamaica for the profound activations I have experienced) to sort that out whenever they see fit. And if you know what I’m talking about, I trust you’ll know more on that soon enough. 

It’s a real shame that this is what exists in the world we think we live in. That we’ve accepted this for ourselves. My how we have all fucking fallen from what is real and true (that’s just my opinion, obviously, and I trust many people do not care for my words). I do not exist in this realm anymore, thank you very much.

What I’ve learnt is that marriage doesn’t mean love, and living together doesn’t mean commitment and loyalty, sadly. And this is why I seek a different life for myself and those around me. Because when I am in an authentic relationship, I do want and give 100% loyalty and commitment. When I love (truly and not with someone’s shite spells), I love only one person at a time. I am all or nothing and those who know me, know this very, very well. I am no fake person. What’s more, having just abstained from sex for 12 months (maybe I’ll expand on that another time - instruction from Spirit, not sure I wanna do that again ffs), this has cemented even more in my mind what I truly desire. Life is full of learning and I never regret any of my choices, I follow my soul need.

In the end, I realise the lesson here is that me and my TF’s energies were always destined to connect, collide, combust, or whatever, for a deeper awareness of ourselves, our soul mission on earth (together or not) and deepening of our connection to Spirit, Jah, The Universe. Because, from my overstanding, TF relationships are anything but harmonious, at least when the recognition begins. But, Spirit is a master at humbling us, especially as we move further into the Age of Light, no stone will be left unturned. Trust that. 

But, this written piece here is in no way to bash men at all. I love conscious, honourable men that don’t think solely with their penis. I have been loved and protected by good, honest men (my father, my blood and other brothers) my whole life and am very grateful for this (yes, I’ve met some fools too). But being a good man doesn't mean you don't do stupid things sometimes, this is the hooman life, init. It will take absolutely all of us, women and men together, to recreate the societies and spaces that we want to frequent and build for our golden, abundant, conscious future. This is about a deep, deep recalibration of Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energies - more on that one day, I guess.

So yeh, overall, I have this weirdo spiritual, ancestral, interdimensional love connection thing to thank for my expansion on earth and my abilities (maybe I’ll go into these one day, too, but for now I’m trying to figure this out just as much as the next person is figuring out their life), and it’s a whole bag o’ magic and tricks.

Who knows what life will throw at us. But, I guess it’s always going to be an interesting sensation to know that someone else in the world feels you at a depth that maybe no-one else can, because this love is eternal and unconditional. Again, this isn’t about this union coming into fruition if it’s not healthy for either one of us, there are other forces at play all the time that we are not always privy to. But, I am him and he is me, and all I know is that I live on. Forever. 

In the end, I absolutely choose peace and happiness over everything wherever I find myself these days (yes, it took me a while haha). For me, it’s now always going to be one leap of faith after the other, in the name of honesty, authenticity, and love, otherwise I can’t exist here anymore. Still, I know the magic’s only just begun. 

So, I thank H.I.M. for the lessons, I trust it’s been hard and strange for us both in very different ways. Still, I’m continuing to enjoy my own personal mission, right here, right now.

Semper prorsum (always forward).